


maybe next time

by orphan_account



Category: Fall Out Boy
Genre: Asexual Character, Asexual Relationship, Awkward Conversations, Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Misunderstandings, Underage Kissing, Van Days
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-07
Updated: 2016-01-07
Packaged: 2018-05-12 09:32:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5661490
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s not like Pete doesn’t enjoy having sex with Patrick, no, it’s alright.</p>
            </blockquote>





	maybe next time

It’s not like Pete doesn’t enjoy having sex with Patrick, no, it’s alright. Pete can swear these minutes are almost the brightest in his life, but. Patrick is anyway weird. It’s not like HE doesn’t enjoy it, but when Pete asks him what’s wrong, Patrick huffs that he is just anxious, but it’s normal. There are light moans, more from the pain than from pleasure, the flash of fear in Patrick’s eyes; it’s their first time at the backseat of a good old van, too slow and quiet not to bother Andy and Joe’s curiosity. Patrick hisses awkwardly at every Pete’s movement, and apparently, he is not a person who is 100% into this kind of non-standard relationship. Pete tries to be gentle, controlling every thrust, but Patrick only whimpers, he’s still soft, and the sharp teeth of guilt bite Pete’s racing heart.

Patrick doesn’t ask him to stop, though.

That’s how it goes. To be honest, there is nothing extraordinary happens with Patrick except for his distracting questions like ‘do you feel good?’ and ‘why does it hurt so badly?’ Later, when Pete is about to hug all the world due to his post-sex euphoria, he intends to return the favor and slides his lips to Patrick’s lower stomach, nuzzling against a thin layer of fat under his pale, sensitive skin. Patrick just stammers something like ‘no, I’m good’ and rolls onto his side to reach for his frayed jeans scattered on the van’s floor somewhere between their sleeping bags and guitarcases.

It’s kind of embarrassing. Pete throws a used condom out of the van’s open window and dresses up confusedly, feeling like he’s the worst egoist ever. When Pete catches Patrick’s lips into a kiss, he tastes only copper and sweat, the result of Patrick’s attempts of being silent.

“Hey?” Pete murmurs, slumping onto Patrick’s hot and a little trembling body. “Are we okay?”

Patrick’s hesitation literally fills up the stale air.

“Yeah,” he bites his lips again even though Pete can’t see it in the dark. “I’m just sore.”

“Sorry about that. Next time, we can change positions if you want,” Pete offers, running his fingers through Patrick’s greasy hair.

“No, I’m alright” Patrick’s voice is muffled as he buries his nose in Pete’s shoulder; all of this doesn’t look like Pete’s best erotic fantasies. Patrick wasn’t ready, indeed.

Flashbacks eat Pete’s brain now.

Pete’s seventeen-year-old boyfriend falls asleep before Pete pecks his temple.

 

***

Patrick is a good kisser. He can conceal it very well during the performances, his cheeks turn pink each time when the bass-player gets to him closer than four steps, but at the backstage Patrick lets his feeling out, biting and sucking Pete’s lips until it starts to hurt in the coolest way. He’s such a flawless creature, for Pete it’s the strongest reason for dragging his boyfriend under the stairs in hotels or to the emergency exit doors in clubs for a heavy make-out sessions, cursing his too-tight pants and  trying to tug Patrick’s jeans down to do something intimately pleasurable for him when just kissing is not enough.

Patrick shakes his head stubbornly, knocking his cap at the side.

At first, Pete persuades himself that Patrick is just shy, because even changing his t-shirt in front of the band is a big deal for him. Pete gives him some time to get used to all of this.

Joe keeps making these ‘only after the wedding’ jokes, while Andy just rolls his eyes, calling Pete a dork.

 

***

They are more experienced during their second time — they have a hotel single bed, good condoms and good mood and leftover /good/ lube, and everything is just awesome; Pete hopes this time their sex is gonna be great.

…For Pete it is gonna be great. Patrick couldn’t get hard again, and it seems like he is just craving to smother himself with the damp pillow afterwards. He instantly climbs under the covers, Pete can’t see his boyfriend’s face, and the heavy weight of sadness about frustrated Patrick doesn’t let him relax. Maybe, next time.

What if they just don’t fit together?

“Trick,” Pete starts, throwing his tanned hand over Patrick’s shoulder; there are little red marks on his pale skin where Pete’s fingertips were digging in.  “I’m sorry.”

Patrick was amazing at some point, though. Well, now he doesn’t share Pete’s enthusiasm. Again. Patrick shudders at the sounds of his nickname, and Pete hears a metaphorical crack slashing the word ‘couple’ in two.

“It’s just… I’m tired,” Patrick sighs spasmodically, shifting on the mattress. “It’s still strange for me,” he adds, letting Pete know their debates are over.

Pete thinks there are no options of making Patrick’s state better, so he just swallows down his useless confessions.

 

***

Patrick stutters when Pete starts talking to him about sex.

Pete swears to himself he is going to make this important thing feel better for Patrick, step by step. In the beginning, they can just take a shower together, for example; this shitty hotel shower — hot water temperature is not very different from the cold one. It’s just the cheapest hotel in this town; in his best hopes of being invisible, Patrick is trying to sneak into the bathroom, but Pete catches his arm and presses him against the doorframe. Patrick doesn’t refuse when Pete kisses him, moaning in response loudly; maybe, he’s too noisy, and occasionally it causes some troubles, but Pete accepts it as a proof of Patrick’s true feelings.

As a usual loving teenager, Patrick definitely enjoys the way Pete’s tongue licks his teeth and pushes deeper in his throat; it’s like a green light, and Pete quickly unbuttons Patrick’s too-baggy jeans and thrusts his hand in. He has a nice trick, but…

“Pete, I can’t anymore!” Patrick groans, squirming in Pete’s grasp. He reluctantly pulls his hot palm out of Patrick’s underwear, glancing at his boyfriend worriedly.

“Why? Still not ready? Still hurts?” Pete has to figure it out.

“Yes… I mean… No. I mean, I just can’t! At all,” Patrick stutters, gazing down at his dirty sneakers.

“What the hell? Don’t you like me?!” Pete isn’t surprised when he notices a genuine regret in Patrick’s bleary eyes as the boy finally raises his head up.

“I like _you_ , relax, I just don’t like sex!” Patrick exclaims, slapping Pete’s wrist as he moves his hand down to Patrick’s crotch automatically — just to make sure the lead singer is telling the truth. “Please, listen to me; I love you, but I just don’t feel what I’m supposed to feel, Pete, I’m asexual,” he blurts out.

“What,” Pete asks again like a dumb toy that can only repeat the sentences.

“I just don’t feel sexual attraction to anyone,” Patrick explains, blushing even in the dim lights as he rubs the front of his ripped jeans timidly. “I, um. I even tried to touch myself, but I kind of didn’t care. Nothing. Understand? I’m feeling great without sex.”

 _‘I’m a maniac,’_ Pete thinks miserably. _‘I practically raped an underage guy.’_

“But we… What? Did it feel terrible for you? Why did you agree?!” he tries his best not to yell at Patrick, but now he’s ashamed, and he isn’t ready to hear Patrick’s secrets as much as Patrick wasn’t prepared for his first /and second/ sex.

Patrick chews a little bruise on his bottom lip, scowling.

“It was just an experiment. I thought I could like it during the process,” he gibbers, still looking hella nervous. “I failed.”

“No, you didn’t,” Pete grips the t-shirt on Patrick’s chest tightly, pressing his lips against Patrick’s reservedly.

It even makes Patrick smirk a little, but his laughter dies on his vocal chords as soon as Pete’s hand finds its way between his legs again. Patrick gasps wordlessly and then clenches his teeth to calm himself down. Pete hates his stupid lustfulness, hates the way Patrick tried to break his fragile personality; he exchanged his virginity for the satisfaction of Pete’s carnal needs. He is just a kid with ink-stained fingers, in battered trucker hat, but, probably, his heart made of gold.

If their soulbond still exists, Pete doesn’t want to chop it off.

“Pete. I can’t give you what you want,” Patrick whispers apologetically, sticking his knees together.

“It doesn’t matter,” Pete exhales out into his boyfriend’s ear, moving his hand up to his shoulder. “I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> sorry for any mistakes, english is not my 1st language
> 
> -tj


End file.
